let's compare scars, i'll tell you whose is worse
by kamikazehearts
Summary: damon/caroline, damon/andie. "It's no secret that when it came to being Damon's girlfriend slash personal blood bank slash sex slave, Caroline had received the shorter end of the stick."


_"Are you going to kill me?"_

Six words laced with a childlike curiosity. They don't sound right coming out of her mouth. The question brings back memories of relentless compulsion and pained whimpers. And suddenly, he doesn't see Andie anymore. In his eyes, the woman beneath him was Caroline, in all her porcelain beauty and tarnished innocence, cerulean orbs perfectly content with being his puppet.

The memory of what he used to subject the blonde to makes remorse tug at his heart and he reaches up, gently stroking a finger down her cheek.

He hates to admit it, but being around Andie occasionally tends to bring Caroline to center-stage in his mind. Simple things trigger his path down memory lane. When Damon sees how Andie only has to wear a scarf to shield the scars his teeth had implemented on her skin from everyone else's view, he can't help but recall the sound of Caroline's soft crying while he sunk his fangs into her neck, her shoulders, her back, her breasts, the inside of her thighs - anywhere he made her grant full access to him.

He remembers compelling the blonde, incessantly taking away any self-control she may have used against him. He remembers _stupid_ and _shallow _and _useless_, knows how they effectively took any shred of remaining confidence away from the already insecure girl. He's fully aware of how much damage he did to her psyche.

It's no secret that when it came to being Damon's girlfriend slash personal blood bank slash sex slave, Caroline had received the shorter end of the stick.

While he was in a pseudo-relationship with the blonde, his temperament and heart hadn't yet been softened by the love he felt for Elena.

It's what caused him to be nicer to Andie.

He can't lie, he's actually grown a bit fond of the news reporter. He greatly appreciates how she usually complies to his wishes, willingly giving him whatever he asks of her; blood, sex, or simply her company. No questions asked, no compulsion necessary.

But while it's what he likes about her, it's also what he hates.

Why can't she have more fight in her? Why can't she see him for what he is and be afraid? Why does she have to be so compliant?

_Why does she have it so easy when Caroline didn't?_

"Damon? Is everything alright?"

Her voice brings him back to reality, and he blinks, the face of the woman under him registering as Andie's. He grimaces and gets off of her with a sigh.

"No Andie. Everything isn't. You should go."

Images are running through his head a mile a minute and all he can really make out are screams, compulsion, and scars. He knows it's silly to be getting upset over something that occurred two years ago, but it's not like it was a miniscule mistake.

Seeing her now, in all her Vampire Barbie glory, stronger than ever and happy in her forbidden love story with the resident wolf, makes him feel even worse about his past ministrations of cruelty. Damon is genuinely happy for Caroline, and as much as he may hate to admit it, a part of him - a _very_ small part, he tells himself - likes seeing her smile.

Ugh, how _Stefan_ of him.

Even then, whenever he spots her, he notices the narrow set of her shoulders and the slight hesitation in her eyes before she smiles in his direction. He knows she's grateful for all he's done for her. He knows that whether they like it or not, the two will always share a strong connection due to the fact that his blood is what _made _her. He even knows that on some level, she already forgave him.

But above all that, what he knows best, is that he doesn't deserve it.

He feels Andie's arms snake around her neck from behind him in an attempt at comfort and he closes his eyes, breathing deeply in order to not do anything rash, because all he can think of is how easy it is for her and how easy it'd be for him to make it just a bit harder on her.

But no. She doesn't deserve that.

_(Caroline didn't either.)_

He grabs Andie's arm and runs his thumb over her skin soothingly and she hums in approval. He presses his lips to the inside of her wrist and she smiles, running the fingers of her free hand through his hair.

_(screams, compulsion, scars.)_

Damon feels the vein under his lips, relished in the feel of blood pulsing underneath skin. He feels his eyes change, feels his fangs protrude his gums, knows what's gonna happen next. He knows she'll let him.

Always so fucking willing.

He bites into her flesh, ignores the sharp intake of breath he hears, focusing solely on the blood landing on his tongue, sating the monster within.

The monster telling him that, no matter what he does, Caroline will always have it worse. He shows more enthusiasm and grips her arm tighter, driven by guilt and sadness. Damon indulges, allowing himself to keep drinking, pays no mind to the fact that Andie's arm is getting limper by the second.

(_are you going to kill me?)_

He comes to a halt, his tongue going over where his fangs penetrated her skin. Andie gives him a weak smile and he curses under his breath. He bites into his own wrist and places it to her lips. She gives him a nod and begins drinking, already understanding that his blood will heal her.

When color has finally returned to her face, she pulls away, looking to Damon with a questioning glance.

He brushes a piece of hair behind her ear and gives her a slight smile. "Got a bit carried away there."

"As you usually do," she sighs, leaning her face into his palm.

Damon's eyebrows furrowed, still unable to let go of the guilt that seems to have taken up permanent residence in the pit of his stomach. All he knew is that he'd never stop trying to make it up to Blondie.

Because as amazing as Andie Star was, as far as ghosts of girlfriends past came, Caroline Forbes is the one he held dearest of them all.

...

**yeah, couldn't resist ending that on a kind of cheesy note, so please forgive that. reviews are love.**

**title is from "swing life away" by rise against.**


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